No Vacancy

I felt like a turkey standing out in the rain. Turkeys, being rather dumb creatures, will stand out in the rain staring up at the sky and allow themselves to be drowned; at this point in my life I find it a rather fitting metaphor. Where do you go when you have no place to call home? What do you do when you’ve failed at everything you’ve ever tried? A lot of people will tell you that hard work and perseverance will get you far, but what happens when it doesn’t? As thunder rattled in the distance, I looked up into the sky letting the rain pelt my face; what could I have done differently in my life that didn’t lead to a card board box in a down town alley way? In school I had people tell me how smart I was, how I would go far in life, and so far I had proven them all wrong. Many people think bums are where they’re at because they are lazy, worthless people who don’t want to work, but what if you are homeless because there are no jobs left? What if your government outsourced all the jobs to foreign countries or better yet brought in more foreigners then your country could handle? Giving them first crack at jobs, schooling, business loans, what if your country didn’t give a damn about how its native born people survived? Meandering over to a business building I searched the ash tray outside for a decent cigarette as I had no money to buy my own and there was no one out in this weather to bum off of. Finding one that had only been half smoked, I plucked it out, put it to my lips, and lit it. Some people might tell me how unhygienic this practice is, but when you are rooting through garbage to find something good to eat, sleeping on cold wet concrete, and have no creditable health care anyways, who gives a damn? Death is almost preferable. People will tell you there are programs for the homeless like shelters, or government aid, maybe even try the job corps; you ever been to a homeless shelter? First off if you don’t make it through the doors at a certain time you can bet your ass you won’t get a bed. Then, if you do get a bed, it’s infested with bed bugs, lice, and if you’re lucky the guy who slept on it before you didn’t pee in it. Then, if you have possessions, you have to worry about people stealing them, not to mention the rape, bullying, murder, and other dark subjects brought out by shoving so many desperate people into close quarters. The job corps is a joke that no one is laughing at. On a first come first serve basis it’s over crowded with the same desperate people, the staff is underpaid or volunteer based so their level of caring is zilch, and with the jobs so thin to begin with you’re lucky if you can get set up with a part time job mopping floors at the local McDonalds. It’s not just frustrating; it’s down right infuriating that those who try to find employment can’t. People don’t take under account that one needs a career in this world to survive, not just a job. If you’re looking for government aid, don’t; unless you are a pregnant woman or foreign. First off the government never gives something for nothing, so if you take cash aid, you will wind up paying it back unless, yup you guessed it, you are foreign or a mother expecting or with children. The food stamps they allot out are hardly worth the hassle of standing in line because they don’t last the month out and what homeless person has the means of keeping food? Best of all, to qualify for any of this, you have to meet the task of going ten places a day to fill out paper applications, which makes a lot of sense as most businesses have moved from paper applications to on line applications, and compile on bus fair too and from these places when you have no money; talk about chasing your tail! Walking with no particular direction I came across a church. Hoping to get out of the rain for a moment or two I went to try the door but found it locked; great, even God locked his doors to me! It’s almost impossible to hold faith when living on the street anyways with all the crap you see people doing to each other or even themselves. What kind of higher power would allow his children to suffer this injustice, or suffer the travesties that had befallen a person like me, and when I die, would I want to be by his side anyways? If and when I did meet him, I’d spit in his face! I flicked my half a cigarette away from me onto the street as it was now burnt to the butt. We need to quit lying to ourselves and our children; none of us are special, and life’s not all peaches and cream. You can, and most people often do, fail at life. From the womb we have this preconceived notion that if we dream it, we can do it; bullshit I say! You think the school janitor wanted that life? You think maids, or assembly line workers, or even a bum on the street didn’t have a dream at one point in their life? Bottom line is, we don’t always get what we want and life doesn’t owe us a damn thing, and even hard work sometimes just isn’t enough when the deck is stacked against you.